Ways and Method of God

We as fallen creatures have no idea of the depth of God and the methods that He takes. For in scripture, the Gentiles were seen as enemies of the Jews. God saw this and in the disobedience of the Jews, He brought the Gentiles also into a relationship with Him. God, though, does not disobey anyone due to the fact that He is the creator of all things. The Jews sacrificed Christ just like we do today when we turn our backs on Him. He, though, showed mercy to us all by Christ ultimately defeating death and saving us from our sins. When feeling depressed and anxious, I had all of this forgotten and chose to believe that I was the one to get myself out of the mess that I made of my life. God's ways, though, are ultimately different from mine or ours. 

God's way of having me see recently where He is leading my life was right after almost shooting myself in the head with one of my guns. I came to this conclusion of choice after another argument that I was having with my now ex-wife over our kids. I felt that I was trapped in the situation at home and being outside of the house at work did not seem to help due to the demands and struggles I was having there. I felt that the only option that I had was to end my life. God saw this opportunity and seized it by giving me the strength to not go through with the act, but to put the gun back and eventually let others know of the struggle that I was currently going through. This struggled would still mount and only get worse as over the next couple of months I battled with the depressive and suicidal l thoughts in my head. It eventually came to light again when I had yet another argument and in turn went and locked myself in our bathroom only decided to do something after my ex-wife finally got in the room and called friends for help.

I then would be recommended to go to an inpatient care program and work through the trauma as well as trigger points to come to coping methods that would help me out in the future. I am still currently working through these and know it is going to be a long haul to completely rid myself of the thoughts, but God has truly been working through me in this. After going through the inpatient care, I was then led to an outpatient care service to help in the healing. During this care, I attempted to commit suicide again, this time with a knife. I did not go through with it and eventually told me wife the next day through the counselor at the program. I was recommed to go stay with my brother for my safety at that time. It was during this time, that I was dealt a blow of having to now go through a divorce.

During the separation, I was still having dark thoughts come into my mind even though I had gone through both program to help with the healing. I eneded up falling into a trap and fell for a big scam that I lost a lot of money to. This has caused a struggled even to this day that I am working through. God during this time has been continually bring me towards Him and showing that He is still in my life during these dark times. I am able to see brighter days at times and know the fight against the evil in my life is still ongoing. I have fully realized that much of the messes I get into in my life are due to not going to God and seeking His guidance, but I do realize that the only way to break the cycle of bad habits is turning to Him and trusting in His ways and the methods that He uses in my life. He truly has been a refuge and strength during my times of trouble and gives strength when fear of what is to come creeps in.

Considering that I have started back on this blog site after 10 years is a sign of the power that God has been working mightily in my life to help me share the story that He is writing for it. Hope this can help others who may be going through the same things. God can do the same in your life and bring you to a point where you can share your story like I have mine in the way that He has planned for you. Until next time, take care and God Bless.