Obey the Law

The law of this world was put into place by God to help ward off the wrongdoings of evil. For those who disobey the law, there is a punishment for them to pay for the crimes that they have committed. For myself, I have pretty much followed the law for most of my life. The main times that I have broken the law was by speeding or getting various other moving violation tickets. I have yet to be in prison or jail, though, I have been many places that have almost felt like that even if they were not intending to be. To be in subjection to the law and only when it is in line with the word of God can bring a good conscience and help to avoid God's wrath.

After I was saved, I researched many topics dealing with Christianity as well as even some End Times material. Lots of it was pretty heavy stuff and as a new believer, it felt very overwhelming as well as tempting to go down many of the rabbit holes. I had a job I was working in where I was able to listen to music or even podcasts while I did the work. I would eventually stumble upon some conspiracy theory material that talked about various different topics ranging from the high level government workers meeting at various times throughout the year to plan how to control the lower masses of people to ancient aliens that came to Earth during older times. Some of these theories may have some validity to them, though, they all seemed to led me away from the scripture that I most desperately needed to be reading and instead continued to research the information to see where I could find truth in how the world operated. All I ended up feeling after looking at the information was a sense of insecurity and paranoia about things around me that just kept mounting.

The paranoia that I felt led me to want to begin to prep or prepare for the possible end times that seemed almost imminent to be happening. I did not feel that I wanted to find someone to be with or even start a family due to the fear of bring babies into the cruel world that I was seeing all around me. I was constantly shaken up by all the conspiracies that I was viewing on a daily basis. I am not sure the extent that this has done to my brain, but I do know some of the graphic material that I had witnessed is something I know I can never take back. This has led me to a deep depression due to the fact that I feel there was nothing I can do to stop the events from happening or from the images that keep popping in my head. I have only recently broken free from this depression and the havoc that it has caused in my life.

There is a lot of evil in this world, though, even if it makes its own laws to enslave the mass of people in the world. It will still in the end have to answer for what it has done according to the word of God. God's law is what is ultimate in this world and the only law that looks out for the good of mankind to make sure that it is in line with the purity and holiness of Himself. The only way that we are able keep this law is by the faith in only Jesus Christ and nothing else. Only Christ can bring life and resurrection to this world and He has already defeated death! What an amazing thought! Hope this helps to bring some light on this subject as well as hope to someone in need. Until next time, stay safe and God Bless!

Ways and Method of God

We as fallen creatures have no idea of the depth of God and the methods that He takes. For in scripture, the Gentiles were seen as enemies of the Jews. God saw this and in the disobedience of the Jews, He brought the Gentiles also into a relationship with Him. God, though, does not disobey anyone due to the fact that He is the creator of all things. The Jews sacrificed Christ just like we do today when we turn our backs on Him. He, though, showed mercy to us all by Christ ultimately defeating death and saving us from our sins. When feeling depressed and anxious, I had all of this forgotten and chose to believe that I was the one to get myself out of the mess that I made of my life. God's ways, though, are ultimately different from mine or ours. 

God's way of having me see recently where He is leading my life was right after almost shooting myself in the head with one of my guns. I came to this conclusion of choice after another argument that I was having with my now ex-wife over our kids. I felt that I was trapped in the situation at home and being outside of the house at work did not seem to help due to the demands and struggles I was having there. I felt that the only option that I had was to end my life. God saw this opportunity and seized it by giving me the strength to not go through with the act, but to put the gun back and eventually let others know of the struggle that I was currently going through. This struggled would still mount and only get worse as over the next couple of months I battled with the depressive and suicidal l thoughts in my head. It eventually came to light again when I had yet another argument and in turn went and locked myself in our bathroom only decided to do something after my ex-wife finally got in the room and called friends for help.

I then would be recommended to go to an inpatient care program and work through the trauma as well as trigger points to come to coping methods that would help me out in the future. I am still currently working through these and know it is going to be a long haul to completely rid myself of the thoughts, but God has truly been working through me in this. After going through the inpatient care, I was then led to an outpatient care service to help in the healing. During this care, I attempted to commit suicide again, this time with a knife. I did not go through with it and eventually told me wife the next day through the counselor at the program. I was recommed to go stay with my brother for my safety at that time. It was during this time, that I was dealt a blow of having to now go through a divorce.

During the separation, I was still having dark thoughts come into my mind even though I had gone through both program to help with the healing. I eneded up falling into a trap and fell for a big scam that I lost a lot of money to. This has caused a struggled even to this day that I am working through. God during this time has been continually bring me towards Him and showing that He is still in my life during these dark times. I am able to see brighter days at times and know the fight against the evil in my life is still ongoing. I have fully realized that much of the messes I get into in my life are due to not going to God and seeking His guidance, but I do realize that the only way to break the cycle of bad habits is turning to Him and trusting in His ways and the methods that He uses in my life. He truly has been a refuge and strength during my times of trouble and gives strength when fear of what is to come creeps in.

Considering that I have started back on this blog site after 10 years is a sign of the power that God has been working mightily in my life to help me share the story that He is writing for it. Hope this can help others who may be going through the same things. God can do the same in your life and bring you to a point where you can share your story like I have mine in the way that He has planned for you. Until next time, take care and God Bless.

Not So Same Beliefs

Days are unique to everyone. One day may be better for one person while just another day to a different person. We are not to judge others if their views are different from that of ours. This world is made up of all different kinds of people with different belief systems. The main theme we are to show every person is that of love. If we are to love each other then we can break down any barrier that may be in the way. I have fallen victim to the not loving others or thinking more highly of myself. 

When I first came to the faith, I found Reformed Christian Theology and began to think that others who did not follow that path were not believing the truth. This was because I was putting myself into a box and pushing away all other people who were around me. I would not listen to other belief systems due to them not proclaiming the truth that I felt I had found. Regardless of if it was the truth, in order to have others listen to me and understand the belief system that I had there needed to be some openness to learning about other faiths and belief systems. This, though, can be done without fully converted to that system and by just researching a developing a knowledge of what that belief portrays. Even within the Christian faith, there are many different ways to go about the faith. The main points need to be all the same, but outside of that, there are many different subject matters that can differ from person to person and have all of us still follow the same belief. 

I also fell down this rabbit hole of thinking highly of myself when viewing conspiracy theories. There was a time in my life where the only thing I did ways research and listen to conspiracy theories. I would indulge myself with YouTube videos and viewing websites with lots of information that talked about end times and the government being out to take out and control everyone. Lots of this seemed to line up with the Bible, especially information that was in the Book of Revelation. I became very paranoid during those times wondering when the world was going to end or when the downfall of the USA was going to happen. I thought of people who did not understand as sheeple or the masses that were letting themselves be taken over. I had no understanding of why certain people just did not care or would willingly give up their freedoms to this system that was bound and determined to take over every aspect of their life. It was only through reading scripture during this time that I was able to break free from that bondage that brought fear into my life. All of what I was researching could be true, but I now rely solely on the Bible when it comes to interpreting the information. I know that the time and hour for Christ to come back will not be known by man and that we should not live in fear of what is to come if we are believers. 

In doing research on many religions, I have found that only Jesus lets us know that there will truly be one way to know the truth. That is through having faith in Him:

""Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus said to him,"I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him."" - John 14:1-7 

Many ways and beliefs may say that you can find the truth in them, but only one can boldly proclaim that statement. It is only through a relationship with Christ that you are truly able to know the truth and that can set you free of any bondage that you are under. If you do not believe what is in the Bible or care for it, I will not judge what you decide to do with your life. I will, though, let you know about the truth that passes all understaning through Christ. 

At the end, there will be many who do not believe the gospel of Christ and their judgement will be on their hands. Whatever you decide, I fully respect your decision. Out of love from Christ, I will still fight to show and fully proclaim His name to ALL the earth to let you and others know of the love that He brings. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, however, you have to place your trust in Him and what He has done for you to have eternal life with Him. Hope this can bring comfort or change in someone's life. Until next time, take care and God Bless.

Being Thankful

It is hard to have a feeling of being thankful when things around you seem to bring you down or constantly bring on a sense of conflict. When you have felt or been wronged, it is hard to show forgiveness. When you feel like everything that you have been working toward and for are suddenly ripped out of your life, you start to wonder if there is any reason to keep on going. These are some of the feelings that I have felt over the past couple of years. It is only from God's love through Jesus Christ that we are truly able to be thankful for all that we have and where we are. 

This is hard talking about on a day of giving thanks, but it is my story and one that God has worked in to bring to a place where I am thankful for all that He has done in my life. It may not be where I thought it would be, however, it is exactly where I believe He has needed me to be and that is in total reliance on Him no matter the circumstance. About 10 years ago, I was stuggling to be in a relationship with someone and vowed that I would turn to just being single. It was through this time that I found the woman that would be my wife and the mother of my kids. I felt pure joy as our relationship began and blossomed into a union before God in marriage. It was after the wedding and the marriage was set in place that I began to lose who I really was. I began to become more distant towards her as I focused on work and trying to find who I was outside of her instead of growing with her. This continued over the years as we added children to the marriage and the stresses began to multiple. I grew a harsh feeling of regret of having uprooted myself from my previous church community to the one where she was and this caused a deep sense of contempt towards her. I also sunk deeper into the addiction of pornograpy even within the marriage. Over time, I fell into a depression that ultimately led me to attempt suicide due to not finding pleasure in what my life had become. I also started to question my relationship with God and that He was truly worth following in my life. I began to start living a double life in my mind, one that pretended to be a Christian and living according to the word and another that was indulging in lust and having jealousy over how others were living their life. God eventually broke through this by changing things in my life, but I still had to go through much pain. After attempting suicide, I went to get help to try and get my life back on track. It was during this, that I ended up in a state of separation from my wife and eventually ending up in a divorce. 

It has been through divorce that I am now living in, that I am starting to see God in a different light. He has shown me that He has always been there with me even during the dark times that I felt He was far away. I gave all my money away during a romance scam that I was involved in during my separation due to a depression that I was still in. This has caused a struggle to simply survive and provide funds for my children. I am thankful to God, though, that He has much grace and has showed me this during this time. I have been led to spend time with Him each morning and this has brought a sense of joy back to my life that I thought was lost. He can give you the strength that you need to endure and face each day. He has led me to an amazing church that has surrounded me with love and now new friendships that make taking on any challenge now a lot easier. Thanksgiving can be hard, but with the love that God shows to us in what He has done for us can only bring one of adoration and gratitude. If you feel a sense of hopelessness due to the circumstances that you are in, turn to Him and you will begin to feel the warmth of His love and the grace that He has for you.  This in turn will bring thanksgiving and gratefulness for all that He truly can bring. God can break through any circumstance and bring light into your life. Showing thankfulness can bring joy and happiness in your life. Remember this and don't wait to turn to Him. Until next time, God Bless!

Trust In God

The world is very seductive in how it lures those who are unaware into its grasp. Without the knowledge and relationship with Christ, we can easily fall victim to the snares of this predator. To be sucked into the world will make us in uniform with it and not able to be conformed to that of God. I personally have fallen victim many times to the pressures that the world can bring on someone. This from stress at work and home to feeling like I am not good enough or a failure at many things. This is a false way of look at life and one that can be very destructive. That being that it can lead to depression or even death due to the lack of feeling for ones life and forgetting where your true foundation is. Christ is our only hope to transform us and make us a living sacrifice that is good and acceptable to God.

After having been a Christian for a few months, I had to make a sacrifice to move on from physical items that were in my possession. This being that they were taken from me by a break in to my townhouse that I was living in at that time, though, I was away on a church camping trip at that time. The trauma from that event happened when I cam home from the camping trip to see a rock had been thrown through my window and once I entered I could see items that were missing as well as drawers opened up in the kitchen. As I walked upstairs, I saw clothes thrown everywhere and that my laptop that was on my desk was taken away. All of this brought on a feeling that was uncomfortable and that I could not bear to stay in my own home by myself. I contacted the leasing office and they were only able to help by stating I could put a trash bag on the window. I was not helped by this feeling and had to sleep many nights with all of the lights on for fear that the intruders were going to come back. I eventually moved out of the townhouse and went to live with a friend of mine.

After going through a divorce this past year, I now see the need to sacrifice my desires to help make the lives of my children better. When the feeling comes to succumb to my pleasure, I have to remind myself that the needs of my children come first. I do not always make the right decisions in these moments, but it is the battle that plays on in my mind that to continue to walk down the paths of indulgence in seduction of sins will lead me to destinations that will make it harder for me to be there for my children. I still have felt depression during this time and questioned God of why this has happened to me only to be reminded that He works all things for good even when we may not see it that way. 

These events that have unfolded in my life have showed me that I do not need to rely on the physical to help me get through this life, but to put my mind on Christ. All of the items that were stolen when I was a new Christian were reminders of a previous life that I used to live and it almost seemed as if God was telling me to renew my mind and have my actions of this life be devoted to Him before all else in this world. Having my children taken out of my life from being in it every day to every other weekend has been a hard adjustment that I still feel the pain over. It is only through the grace of God that I am able to have the strength to endure these tough times and persevere for the hope of a better future with them. My hope is to continue to endure when times are tough and put my trust in God. You can too and He will give you the strength to make it through any tough situation that you find yourself in. Until next time, God Bless!

Believing and Hearing

The world does not fully know the works of God. These can be clearly seen with the world, but only God is the one who can open the eyes to see. Without Christ, we are unable to believe or hear the word of God. It is only through faithful followers is the word preached or told, then God is able to work inside a person to bring them into a revelation of Himself. It took a suicide attempt back right after I graduated college for me to fully grasp the wickedness that I was living in. This revealing is still taking place as God has continued to move in my life to make me the man that He has called me to be.

God worked through me trying to end my life by preserving my life as well as those who could have been hurt or killed due to my careless actions. The event all started with me going to the college campus to enjoy the Halloween parties that were going on. I drank heavily due to my numbing of the pain that I had been feeling since high school. This pain was caused by many factors, from feeling abandoned by my father to the drugs/medications that I was taking for Tourette Syndrome and my depression it caused. I was feeling tired of having to deal with all these jerks and movements by my body that I had no control of. My mom felt like my only solace from these pains, though, she would be taken from me only a few months later. After drinking heavily and interacting with other students that were on the campus at that time, I eventually blacked out and began to drive my car back to my townhouse that was 30 minutes from school. I had no clue what was going on and did not regain conciousness until I woke up on my couch the next morning. I eventually called a friend of mine and sought to find a church due to the fact that I had somehow survived the night due to the grace of God. I also remembered a friend that I was in a fraternity with that talked about church and being a Christian. It was with this information that I started going to a local church a few weeks later. God truly began to work in my life to have me believing all that I was hearing from the believers that were in my life at that time.

God’s Mercy

God’s will does not always have our will at the forefront. His will is what determines the events and has them unfold. We can mock or disagree with this mindset, but in truth, it still prevails. God is in control and that is something that in the mind of an unbeliever is hard to grasp. For many years, my mind struggled with this thought as I buried myself deep within my suicidal thoughts. I could not grasp how a God could love me so much. This though only changed when he intervened during a drunk driving experience that showed me that God does have mercy on me and truly does love me.

His love and mercy would come at a time that I most needed it. This was right before the passing of my mom, which was very devastating to me. Having one of the only people who truly knew me and the inner struggles that I had going on was suddenly in my eyes ripped from me. This leaving me to myself to understand what life truly was in this very cruel world. God, though, had bigger plans for my life in that this was the beginning of my salvation story that would bring me into a relationship with him. I had no clue how much of a whirlwind of emotions and experiences lie ahead of me, but I moved forward with my eyes on Christ and forming relationships with a faith family that cemented the start of my faith journey. I eventually left that church and joined one that through discipleship, I broke free of the bondage I was in at the time and surrendered my life to Christ and got baptized. God truly performed a miracle by saving me and having mercy on my lost soul.

When life seems like it has the best of you, turn to our God. He will show you that you have already been rescued through the blood of Jesus Christ who now wants a relationship with you. Run to Him during those times of struggle as well as the joyous times to rest in Him as well as rejoice. Be blessed and know that there is a God who loves you and has done everything for you. His mercy is truly amazing. Until next time be blessed.