Being Thankful

It is hard to have a feeling of being thankful when things around you seem to bring you down or constantly bring on a sense of conflict. When you have felt or been wronged, it is hard to show forgiveness. When you feel like everything that you have been working toward and for are suddenly ripped out of your life, you start to wonder if there is any reason to keep on going. These are some of the feelings that I have felt over the past couple of years. It is only from God's love through Jesus Christ that we are truly able to be thankful for all that we have and where we are. 

This is hard talking about on a day of giving thanks, but it is my story and one that God has worked in to bring to a place where I am thankful for all that He has done in my life. It may not be where I thought it would be, however, it is exactly where I believe He has needed me to be and that is in total reliance on Him no matter the circumstance. About 10 years ago, I was stuggling to be in a relationship with someone and vowed that I would turn to just being single. It was through this time that I found the woman that would be my wife and the mother of my kids. I felt pure joy as our relationship began and blossomed into a union before God in marriage. It was after the wedding and the marriage was set in place that I began to lose who I really was. I began to become more distant towards her as I focused on work and trying to find who I was outside of her instead of growing with her. This continued over the years as we added children to the marriage and the stresses began to multiple. I grew a harsh feeling of regret of having uprooted myself from my previous church community to the one where she was and this caused a deep sense of contempt towards her. I also sunk deeper into the addiction of pornograpy even within the marriage. Over time, I fell into a depression that ultimately led me to attempt suicide due to not finding pleasure in what my life had become. I also started to question my relationship with God and that He was truly worth following in my life. I began to start living a double life in my mind, one that pretended to be a Christian and living according to the word and another that was indulging in lust and having jealousy over how others were living their life. God eventually broke through this by changing things in my life, but I still had to go through much pain. After attempting suicide, I went to get help to try and get my life back on track. It was during this, that I ended up in a state of separation from my wife and eventually ending up in a divorce. 

It has been through divorce that I am now living in, that I am starting to see God in a different light. He has shown me that He has always been there with me even during the dark times that I felt He was far away. I gave all my money away during a romance scam that I was involved in during my separation due to a depression that I was still in. This has caused a struggle to simply survive and provide funds for my children. I am thankful to God, though, that He has much grace and has showed me this during this time. I have been led to spend time with Him each morning and this has brought a sense of joy back to my life that I thought was lost. He can give you the strength that you need to endure and face each day. He has led me to an amazing church that has surrounded me with love and now new friendships that make taking on any challenge now a lot easier. Thanksgiving can be hard, but with the love that God shows to us in what He has done for us can only bring one of adoration and gratitude. If you feel a sense of hopelessness due to the circumstances that you are in, turn to Him and you will begin to feel the warmth of His love and the grace that He has for you.  This in turn will bring thanksgiving and gratefulness for all that He truly can bring. God can break through any circumstance and bring light into your life. Showing thankfulness can bring joy and happiness in your life. Remember this and don't wait to turn to Him. Until next time, God Bless!