Once
I started working, I still continued the life of partying and
drinking and leading my life down a dangerous path. I felt like I was searching for something, but had no clue what it was or how to even find it. The suicidal thoughts just kept coming and it seemed at time like the best option since I was seeming to be going nowhere in life and the tics just continued to drive me crazy. I ended up at one point moving into a house near the college campus, about 10 minutes, with three other friends that smoked weed. I pretty much drank and smoked after I got off work in what seemed like every day that I lived there, which ended up being 4 months. I also ended up driving drunk twice while I lived there. One time I ended up busting my tire and had to fix it the next day, which happened to be 4/20. This got me very upset because I would have rather had been smoking than fixing the tire. The other time was after a party and I ended up blacking out and coming to right in front of my bathroom mirror. I was a little freaked out, but it wasn't enough at that time to change my habits. Partying all night and then going to work the next day was even something I did around this time, not something I recommend.
Although, I had driven home drunk a couple of times before, it didn't phase me because I was still close to the place I was drinking. I ended up moving out of the house that June and into an apartment about 30 min from the campus. On a night after a Halloween party on the college campus, I ended up getting really drunk to the point of blacking out again and drove home. I woke up on my couch the next morning having no clue of this because the last thing I remembered was talking to a friend at the party. This freaked me out even more than the last time because of all the possibilities that could have happened while I was blacked out. I remembered back to my days in church and then I proceeded to get on my knees and cry out to God wondering why I was still alive and what his purpose was for my life.
After this, I got up and got in contact with a friend and started to attend a church, which was around Christmas time of 2008. Also, during this time I started to look up bible prophecy stuff online and came across the New World Order and conspiracies and how they tied together. After two weeks of going to church, the most devastating thing happened and that was the death of my mother. This was hard to take in and I was frustrated and angry and asked why God would lead me back to the church and then take my mom away from me. All I got back was keep going and you will see the full picture in due time. I felt the thoughts of suicide start to come back, but I decided to go back to church and went to a class that I was able to ask questions and understand the bible more. I then got more involved in the church through serving and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior for all that was going on in my life and the changes that were happening.
It is amazing to look back at this time and see all that the Lord was doing in my life to bring me back into a relationship with him. The reason for this sudden change of thoughts from suicidal and hopelessness to a one of hope and faith is still a mystery to me, but is a true show of the power of God. It also shows that He is the only one that can change our thoughts and that without him we are totally depraved and heading for destruction. How do my tics and life go after my now devoted relationship with Christ has started to begin? I will continue this in my last part. Until then, take care and God Bless.
Although, I had driven home drunk a couple of times before, it didn't phase me because I was still close to the place I was drinking. I ended up moving out of the house that June and into an apartment about 30 min from the campus. On a night after a Halloween party on the college campus, I ended up getting really drunk to the point of blacking out again and drove home. I woke up on my couch the next morning having no clue of this because the last thing I remembered was talking to a friend at the party. This freaked me out even more than the last time because of all the possibilities that could have happened while I was blacked out. I remembered back to my days in church and then I proceeded to get on my knees and cry out to God wondering why I was still alive and what his purpose was for my life.
After this, I got up and got in contact with a friend and started to attend a church, which was around Christmas time of 2008. Also, during this time I started to look up bible prophecy stuff online and came across the New World Order and conspiracies and how they tied together. After two weeks of going to church, the most devastating thing happened and that was the death of my mother. This was hard to take in and I was frustrated and angry and asked why God would lead me back to the church and then take my mom away from me. All I got back was keep going and you will see the full picture in due time. I felt the thoughts of suicide start to come back, but I decided to go back to church and went to a class that I was able to ask questions and understand the bible more. I then got more involved in the church through serving and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior for all that was going on in my life and the changes that were happening.
It is amazing to look back at this time and see all that the Lord was doing in my life to bring me back into a relationship with him. The reason for this sudden change of thoughts from suicidal and hopelessness to a one of hope and faith is still a mystery to me, but is a true show of the power of God. It also shows that He is the only one that can change our thoughts and that without him we are totally depraved and heading for destruction. How do my tics and life go after my now devoted relationship with Christ has started to begin? I will continue this in my last part. Until then, take care and God Bless.
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